did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
