ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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