i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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