Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
