My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize