my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
