is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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