felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
