Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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