just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
