Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
