Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm passing your future prison.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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