Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
