We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize