I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is wine microwaveable?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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