you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
