we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
