I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize