I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize