dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
