Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
