i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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