dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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