dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
