Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
