the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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