wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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