She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
