went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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