Don't make out with my wife yet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
