Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
