Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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