I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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