i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
