Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
