Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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