Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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