mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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