I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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