so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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