You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
