i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
