I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
