I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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