Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
