fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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