It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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