It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
