Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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