I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
