How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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