I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
