Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
