were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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