So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
