Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
