wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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