but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
