there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
